About Being Frightened, Scared

"Our House 2" 2018 10" x 14"acrylic

When you step away from who you are and how you are known and what you do well, which is a very secure place, you have to accept that you will probably fall flat on your face many, many times. You also have to give yourself permission to change, to grow. We do this many times, very unconsciously, while we are growing up, maturing. At age 40, we say, "hey, why not?" At age 70 that casual shrug does not come off so readily. I am changing the way I paint images and that relates to the way I talk. I don't think in words. I think in images. To speak to you, I have to envision the words first. Now I am stepping away from a body of 20+ years of work, of images that spoke what I did not have the words to say. It's very much like standing on the edge of a cliff. It's truly scary.

"Sandy's Place" 2012 10"x 14" varnished watercolor

I see much of my work has already touched on this new place I am entering. I see  works that say "hey, no one noticed me how I am! Put me in your new work." I'm getting a lot of ideas from looking back, from thinking "what can I bring into this form that I have defined in my past work?'

What is life if not an accumulation of life's work and experience? Does it really matter if I'm recognized, applauded, congratulated, acknowledged? I don't think it does. I think what matters is that I keep working until finally one piece expresses my heart and my voice. And I'm not there yet.

I remember so many places with Mad Mike, scared, pretty sure I was going to die in a bad splat off a mountain or a bad place on a river. And I haven't yet. And I don't really think I'll die from this new idea, either. Should we shrink back from what we don't know and what we are afraid of because of our age? I think not.